Monday, June 8, 2009

Startonomics-Fartonomics

The day has finally dawned when I decide to write a blog. Having read so many blogs I feel I now have a Ph.D. in Blog Reading, but strangely enough I don’t have my own blog.
So 19 years 17 days and inestimable farts later, here I am farting…ooops, starting a blog.
Let me tell you this wasn’t an easy task. After all, it takes great effort to fart. You just don’t go about farting whenever and wherever you want.
Here is a 4-point guide on “How to fart secretly”.

1. Assess the circumstances.
Know your audience. Farting in front of a 10 year old will garner a different reaction to that of an adult. Kids normally love farts. They will keep on laughing and may even fart back.
Caution: Take care of the smell intensity of your fart.
In case of farting before adults, try to keep the sound intensity as low as possible.
2. Regulate your fart.
Kids like to hear long and loud farts while it’s the opposite with adults. Teenagers fall in between and their reaction is on an average unpredictable.
The technique of adjusting the fart varies from person to person and is dependent on the mass of the person.
As a mathematical rule,
Smell Intensity*Sound Intensity=Mass of the person
This is an axiom and not a theorem. So it can’t be proved but only verified.
3. Releasing the air.
Remember the 3-C’s. Be cool, calm and confident. Once you overcome the pressure, the joy is priceless.
4. The Follow-through
This is the act of covering up. The problem with many people is that they start looking around analyzing the after-effects of the fart.
The best thing to do in such situations is to continue with whatever you were doing. Case in point: If you were laughing, keep on laughing. If you were talking keep on talking.
And if you were Einstein you could always get away by saying, “Everything is relative. What may smell like mine is actually yours”.

And if everything fails, an effectual backup option is to make your farts so lethal so as to suffocate everybody in the vicinity. On the other hand, you can slaughter everyone first!

So Happy Farting :D

PS: Got some more fart techniques and secrets to share? What are you waiting, click on the comment button now and help the farting world.


2 comments:

Mainak said...

You seem to be a confident starter. Though I would request you to stay away from 'Biology related' topics. :P

Would be looking forward to more posts from you. Happy blogging!

Prateek Agarwal said...

Thanks for the complimentary words Jazzy.
But why are you shying away from 'Biology'? ;)

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